What if she didn’t leave?

What if she insisted they try something else?

What if they found it?

What if he lived?

What if I kept dancing and went to private school?

What if I never knew the dark corner of the abandoned shed? 

What if I was never asked?

Do I want to touch it?

What if I waited because I wanted to?

What if I studied and applied to ivy league schools?

What if I studied abroad?

What if I kept walking past the glass doors?

What if I left before the worst of it?

What if I did not take you back when you showed up at my door looking pathetic?

What if I didn’t run away fast enough after your fist slammed into my unexpecting belly?

What if I gathered my beloveds and my belongings?

What if I moved to Paris?

What if I didn’t have a miscarriage that Thanksgiving?

What if I trusted my instincts?

What if I told my secrets?

What if I keep my promises?

The only thing I can do is take one step forward each day through the tangled barbed wire weeds of wondering and know no matter what I am worth the walk