Wednesday, April 30, 2014

30 - Light Train

Timetables and ticker tape
iphone itineraries
and a standing date

all predicted, promised
proposed
the arrival
of the inevitable train

the steel snake rattling
along slick tracks
a child’s penny fancy
could derail the whole thing
all for a flattened copper
souvenir

Fare hikes
labor strikes
and the misguided
wave of a drunken conductor
its a wonder if the train would ever get here
let alone
on schedule 

Yet at the eleventh hour
on the 30th day
I could see it
as I stood on 
the cloud platform
with my many years 
of baggage
eager for the arrival
bracing for impact

I close my eyes
when the horns howl closer
The warm gush of air
blows me back
against my fears
I steady myself, brace myself
It is time
Right here, right Now
is the moment
I have been waiting for

My eyes flutter open
and look back
at my luminescence.
and I know

I have arrived. 


Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Sous Vide

A sultry night in the city
fills the sidewalks with outside seating
girls in sleeveless tops and maxi dresses
march down the street
a flock of pink pigeons
set free to feed
off our plates

The turn of the century 
walk ups
with their Edwardian charm
and constant disrepair
the only thing that is controlled
in our inflated existence
of 60 hour work weeks
happy hours, weekend binges,
recovery brunches 
is the rent
so we, like the rusted chandelier in the foyer,
have become fixtures here

Leaving windows wide open 
to let the heat escape into the night
with the click clack of heels
the crackle of the electric wires
as busses run by

I guarantee the city
will not sleep tonight
We will lay in a pool of our own shared sweat
sealed in motionless
staring at the ceiling fan shadows
yearning 
for a breath of fresh air

Monday, April 28, 2014

Counterirritants

Voices carry me
through the wide open doors
where I set up camp
at The Shop

Easy eaves dropped
on the crammed in tables
percolating conversation 
poured over coffee

I am wedged between
beauty
and revulsion
trying to evade 
being recognized for the spy I am

Beauty wore muscles and a tight t-shirt today
Revulsion is at my side in the reflection  
I avert my gaze
and look instead with my ears 

There was a race
through wilderness and pavement mountains
“I carried my gun”
Beauty said proudly
Revulsion stirred like clotted cream in cold coffee
asking for more sordid details
as one such as that would

Beauty went on
beyond the tales of endurance
of overcoming obstacles so big 
I grew nervous
a tickle trickle of sweat
running between my breasts
my breath catching as I caught myself
leaning in

not because I longed
to curl up in his lap
like I did when I first spied his chiseled jaw and wolf blue eyes
but because his story
unfolded 
foreign and off putting
in that way becoming
irresistible
like a spider the stray must stalk
however poisonous

He makes his goodbyes
with justifications and duty callings

I watch
from the mirror
as beauty leaves
behind revulsion
smiling back at me

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Hindsight





It is easy to say
as I strolled along the cobbled ways
looking for owls and cats on rooftops
That things could have been different
That I should have known
Five years later I would be 
back where I began
with the sysiphean determination
to start again
and again not find the satisfaction
of a desired end

That happened long before
we wandered the narrow alleys of Vieux Nice
explored the metro labyrinth of Paris
We weathered nerve wracking turbulence
The rattle and crack of fuselage against rough air 

But like our last flight together that cold fog filled day
We should have called it off
Taken another approach
No matter how terrifying it is to pull up
out a six year relationship

Then it may have been
A smooth landing
back into my own life



Saturday, April 26, 2014

Morass

My thighs flatten
on the seemingly hard surface
I am collapsing bit by bit 
into the heap
in a last ditch
effort to find
my backbone
I try to levitate 
to rise
out of the days quicksand

For a fragile moment
my spastic thrashing
opens a sliver of space 
leaving a precious first impression
of my own weightlessness

Until I am sucked back down
a hundred unborn hands
griping my ankles
my painted toes pointing
the way 

I am what is left 
of the struggling stain 
my mortal remains
sitting alone in my bathrobe
Naked and trying to stay afloat. 

Friday, April 25, 2014

Red Ink

These pages
like myself
broken in by a mistake
no matter how artful or judicious
one tries to correct
to cover up
it will be known

Weave many threads together
to explain
that unfortunate gap in judgment
Or maybe line by line
pull the thread apart
and reveal the raw torn moment
for what it was.

Let it bleed 
all over the sheets
glorious evidence of what was
blank before

Celebrate it
Hang it out the windows with the chinatown laundry
for all to see
This was the first
truth

then after wild revelry
and drunken dance
gather the clothing - honor, respect, worth, love
and put it on.
Bridal white with a wide scarlet sash
and stiletto heels
Tell as many stores
with as many outcomes as you desire

Yes, Words will bounce back
Off gaping wide mouthed walls

Yet at the source
the echo
is breathed in
and exhaled again
as knowing



Thursday, April 24, 2014

Retaining Life


The writing is on it
But not everyone can read it
even if you insist, loudly with haughty derision

It was built
high and crooked
with each trust betrayed
the promise to come back, to be there
to keep you safe
forgotten
sliding another brick
in line against the last
the moratorium childhood sealed

We scale them, climb them
build them 
around 
surround us
surrogate parents
force fields against the memories
the mealless nights and the prayer meetings
the back room closet and the chair
the worst words we are not going home

Now how I long 
for you
to push me hard
up against it
past my limits
my boundaries tossed aside like damp lace
The music playing

Since my friend you have revealed your deepest fear
I sentence you to be exposed before your peers

Tear down the wall